This hole inside my heart (Chapter 19)

I can't stand this! He's been gone so long. Everything I do is so done with anger and sadness. There is nothing that makes me happy anymore. I need to see him. What am I supposed to do if I don't have him. What if he comes back and doesn't want me anymore? What will I do? He is all that I have in this world. No I mustn't think that way.  I have to be positive.  If I'm going to make it through this I'm going to have to be a positive person.  There's nothing else to it.  And if he doesn't want me then I will just have to accept it and make a new life for myself.  Hopefully, all goes well and I wont have to make a new life but I think I should prepare for one just in case.